I’d like to turn in my parenting card please. I can’t do
it. It’s too hard. And I have one
of the greatest kids in the world. I can’t even image what parents go through
who have ‘problem’ kids.
Where do I start?
A 19-year old was killed this week, right down the street.
Drunk driving. The driver is still here, the passenger died on the scene.
Was he, this now dead teenage college boy, a ‘good’ kid? Was
he from a family where the parents were proud of him. Someone who was told over
and over as a tween and teen ‘Don’t drink
and drive. Don’t get in a car with someone who is drunk’. Or how about that
pearl of parental advice we all use ‘make
good choices, be a critical thinker’.
“Yeah mom, dad… I know. What, do
you think I’m stupid??” He
would sigh as he left the house to head to a party with his buddies.
Maybe, on the other hand, he was some stupid teenage looser
who drank to much from an early age, hated his parents and was going to end up
dead anyway. Somehow I doubt
it. From the number of flowers placed
and crying friends I’ve witnessed this week sitting by the side of the road
where the crash occurred my guess is he just made a bad choice. The kind many
kids make over and over while in college. Except this time, this one time (because that’s all it takes)
it cost him his life. Not to mention the life of his buddy who was driving who
will now live out the rest of his days dealing with the guilt. And let’s not
forget his parents who have lost their child because of one, stupid, split
second, blurry, intoxicated choice that, for the past decade, they thought they
had been raising him NOT to make.
As I have said, I’d like to hand in my parenting card.
I can’t do it.
All this heart ache, all this time and attention and worry. All these ‘learning moments’ and
lectures and love and worry and love and more love ….. for what? So my child
can end up wrapped around a telephone pole because she makes ONE … just ONE
wrong choice one night 9 years from now.
I can… not…. do it. It
hurts just thinking about it. It hurts so much my eyes fill up with tears and
my heart caves in on itself and I have to turn away when I see her coming and
collect myself. Still, she hears
my voice crack when I open my
mouth to say something. ‘Mom? You ok?’. “sure sweety… how was school?”
My daughter lies about stupid things in an attempt to stay
out of trouble and steals chocolate chips from the freezer when she thinks no
one is looking. It’s impossible to
get her up in the morning and trying to get her to shower pretty much starts
WWIII. She eats other kids’
desserts at school because sweets are limited at home and she listens to music
when she’s supposed to be doing something else. But otherwise I’d trust her with my life (if not my
chocolate – although she shares that too). She is kind and helpful and
loving. Not a day goes by that she
doesn’t ask me how I am, how my day was, if she can help, is there anything she
can do for me. She shares her day
with me and gladly fills me in on what happened at school and how she feels
about it. Each night she texts her
dad (or me when she is away) to tell us how much she loves us. I never hear her
say an unkind word about anyone.. she may question a friend’s motives or
choices. Sometimes she is confused by their behavior, sometimes she’s hurt by
the things they say or do but I never ever hear her put them down. She seems to
be able to find the good in people.
She is considered the diplomat in her 5th grade class her
teacher tells me. “Teagan is always
trying to stop arguments between kids and get everyone to work together” .
God I’m proud of my kid. Like I
said, I trust her. She is a good kid and often seems so much wiser than her
years. I’ve been told by countless people that it’s like talking to an adult
when they talk with her. Is that good? I don’t know.
I do know and feel so fortunate that she actually likes to
talk with me about books and ideas like life after death. She’ll talk about
religion and politics and friendship and anything that pops into her head. We
take walks, read books, go to dinner and watch movies. And she listens when we
have ‘learning moments’. She seems to understand, the best a 10-year old can,
about what’s ‘right’ and what’s ‘wrong’, that actions have consequences, that
negotiating the world is going to get harder and harder as she grows older. She doesn’t just listen. She asks
questions and challenges things that don’t make sense to her. I KNOW she’s
paying attention. And yet a few
days will go by and something will happen that shows me she didn’t put these
nuggets of parental wisdom to good use, choosing instead to make wrong
choices. Now, the consequences are
nothing… nothing worth even thinking about. The hard part is knowing that most of what I’m telling her
she won’t even begin to understand until AFTER it needs to be put into
practice. I tell her ‘now it’s about
dessert or an app on your phone in a few short years it will be about getting
in a car with a drunk kid… peer pressure will be unbearable. You need to be
ready’. “ Yeah, I know mom. Do you
think I’m stupid?”
I want to hand in my parenting card..
…but I wont’ because 90% of the time this kid of mine does
make the right choice. I will just have to keep doing what I’m doing and hold
my breath and trust in her that we make it. And I do trust her almost as much as I love her.
No comments:
Post a Comment